This parenting article by Ruby was published in the Gazette in 2005
High and Low’s of Parenting: Around the Dinner Table
By Ruby Toledo
Last year at my son’s fourth grade open house I stood in the cramped hallway to his classroom with other parents. Along the wall was a row of poems hung individually. Each with a little yellow post-it note on it, but none with our children’s names. The ‘game’ was to see if us parents could guess which poem belonged to our child and our job was to write their name on the little yellow paper. So the next morning at school they could be delighted by the correct or laugh at the incorrect responses.
For me it was simple, I saw the familiar scraggily left-handed scratching that I have attempted to correct day after day for the past few years, I saw the short choppy sentences I knew so well. I proudly read my son’s poem about Hockey, surrounded by parents that were baffled! They had no clue, which poem belonged to their child and were starting to sound like detectives deciphering a code. (“It’s either this one or this one, how should I know?”) How can you not know your own child’s handwriting, I kept thinking, how sad.
But the truth is that although we spend day after day living with these wonderfully busy tiny replicas of ourselves, sometimes we do not know the simplest things like their favorite color, how their day was at school, their handwriting style. These are very busy times, and it can be difficult to connect on a deeper level than cook, chauffeur and personal ATM machine. With four children ages 10, 8, 4 and 1, I can barely get their names right, and am constantly saying it doesn’t really matter what your name is, I named all of you!
So at my house we are big on family dinners. It brings the kids to the table where we sit and take a break from the day, I feel very fortunate that we are able to gather and share a special moment of our day.
During this time we play a game called High-Low. Now this can be played at almost any time it doesn’t have to be done at dinner; during car rides, before bedtime, during a commercial while they are watching TV. The point of High-Low is to bring the family together, to tell your “High” or best part of the day and to also share your “Low” point. It works as a therapy, as an agent to get your children to talk to you and to each other. We play in a circle around the table, everyone has to say both (in our house everyone includes my husband who often says “my high is right now” but hey – you have to accept whatever is expressed).
When one person is talking everyone else must listen; it often starts a conversation between my older kids. When my daughter says, “My high was art class” and my son says, “We made those cool paintings too!” it’s my secret High of the day.
High-Low I must admit, was not my invention, I saw it in a movie starring Michelle Pfeiffer. (My secret low no matter how hard I try I am not as perfect as she is). If I had invented it I may have called it something like “good-bad” or ‘happy-sad”, I may have copyrighted the idea and sold it, this is how well it works to bring the family together.
I have also enjoyed inflicting it on my dinner guests, in our house everyone says highs and lows, it’s not an option, and almost everyone loves to play. In fact the kids fight over who gets to go first.
High-Low can be funny; like when for days and days my little nephew kept saying, “My high is when I went to the store and bought binoculars” we would all laugh hysterically as he smiled in his young comic debut. (We never did figure out what he was talking about) And High-Low can be eye opening, when an issue comes up that has to be addressed (“My low is when somebody hit me”). Another benefit of High-Low is when they say things like, “My high was when I went to the store alone with you mom” or “My high is that Papi took me for a bike ride”.
All in all it brings the family together, which is the goal of all families big and small. High-Low gives you an excuse to ask about your child’s day, which in all rights you shouldn’t need an excuse. (But the truth is that you do.) It has worked for us and I hope that if you try it, it works out well for you. There is nothing better than hearing a child say, “My high is having a mom like you”
To read another essay by Ruby click here:
http://emeraldeyez.com/pb/wp_cfee7ede/wp_cfee7ede.html?0.7243791686958349
|
 |
